Tina's Blog

Hi, I’m Tina Chisnell; welcome to my blog. If you are a prospective client please take a moment to browse through the showcase pages for examples of my portrait photography.

 I like to think of this blog as my virtual scrap book; it’s the place where I keep the other photos and stories I collect as I go about my days, building my business around my passion. 

Guilt trip

November 22, 2018
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The day started with a school run; riding on my bike along the rail trail absorbing the morning sunshine glittering through the trees, the rusty leaves crunching beneath my tires and inhaling the smell of the damp earth. Once I had dropped my little one off at school, I rode back home and walked my dog in the nearby woods ending up at the river, watching the stillness of the scene; just the swaying of boats dancing to the water’s rhythm. Mind empty of unnecessary thoughts, tranquillity washing over me.

Returning home, I made myself a mug of tea and drifted up to my desk. I turned my music on and began to edit the photographs I had taken of my client the day before. When I say edit, I mean I procrastinated over each of my photographs, pondered which ones I should use and which ones I should cull before doing any real editing.

I had lunch, nothing spectacular, just a toasted sandwich; I did some more work and then had a drumming lesson. It was a simple yet pretty perfect day. Nothing dramatic or overly exciting but perfect nonetheless.

 “You have a nice life” He said.

Immediately, guilt rained on me; soaking me to the skin.

Why did I feel this guilt? It wasn’t his intention to make me feel guilty; it was merely an observation that my day was filled to the brim with things I loved doing.

I felt guilty because I don’t hate my job. I don’t wake up with a sense of dread at having to go to work. I don’t have to work late into the night to meet deadlines. I don’t  feel dissatisfied. I don’t resent my weekends being taken up by endless paper-shuffling an prepping for the week ahead.

Somewhere along the line I trained my mind to feel that this is what work is supposed to be and if I don’t feel like this then I’m somehow not working hard enough. I’m cheating, not grinding, not hustling not succeeding. I feel guilty. I watch others around me and think: that’s what I should be doing. I’m having it easy and that’s not a good thing.

Why? Why shouldn’t we love our jobs? Why shouldn’t we enjoy time to walk the dog, spend weekends with family and have a hobby or two on the side?

No one is going to put pressure on us to nourish ourselves with experiences that make us feel good. Pressures will only come to encourage us to work harder, grind, hustle, be busy, busy, busy. It is up to us as individuals to put pressure on ourselves to indulge in a bit of self-care and self-love.  If not, we are on a short, miserable road to destination dissatisfaction, resentment and burn-out.